In Chinese society, a woman who is still single in her thirties is practically a social outcast;it is next to impossible for them to find a Chinese man who would want them as a wife. It has also been an increasingly common phenomenon that thirty-something Chinese women end up seeking a husband among foreign men. Is the second reality the direct consequence of the first? Is the two realities being interrelated a fortunate coincidence or an undesirable fate for these Chinese women?
These are the realities for thirty-something Chinese women: they have to find a thirty-something Chinese man (who also has to be older than them) that is still single and have the traditional qualifications of a suitable husband; this man, of course, must want or, at least, not mind being with a thirty-something woman; lastly, his mother must also be okay with her son not having a mate who is still in her early twenties.
Just having one of these possibilities happening for a thirty-something Chinese lady is already unlikely; all of them coming together is even more so. So do these women seek out foreign men because they don’t have any other choice?
The fact that most suitable Chinese men in their thirties are already married and that those who are still single prefer a younger partner (who, most of the time, must also have lower credentials) and actually reject women in their thirties (most of whom are self-made) has certainly made it possible for another door of opportunity to open wider for these women.
The saying “When one door closes, another one opens” seems very apt; and just as the saying has a positive context, the situation that Chinese ladies of a certain age find themselves in is actually a positive-turn-of-events of sorts.
Perhaps it started out that these women only began to explore the possibilities of a relationship with a foreign man when they couldn’t find what they were looking for from within their borders; but it most certainly only led them to the realization that what seemed to be an unfortunate plight that has befallen them was actually a blessing in disguise.
The mere fact that the men from their own culture won’t take them and don’t appreciate them shows that these men cannot even give them what they need in a relationship, which actually means that these men are not the better choice for them as mates.
Most thirty-something Chinese ladies who prefer a foreign partner, nowadays, already know that these men actually make better mates than their Chinese counterparts, notwithstanding the cultural differences and language difficulties that they will have to overcome.
Additionally, they have also come to realize that having that new door of opportunity opened up for them has given them the freedom to wait until they have found the right man to marry, at the right time, and for the right reasons. So, in fact, thirty-something Chinese women who choose to be with a foreign man do not do so because they are these women’s last resort; they do so because they are these women’s best option.
Saying that Chinese women of a certain age choose foreign partners for lack of a better choice in their society would be the same as saying that foreign men choose Chinese women as mates because they also lack better choices in their own society.
To a certain extent, these statements are true. But it must be pointed out that thirty-something Chinese women do not just seek out foreign mates because no Chinese man would take them; the same goes for the foreign men. For most of these men and women, their preference for a partner who comes from a different culture is more about appreciating and wanting what the other has to offer, and not because they are each other’s last resort.